This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
