tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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