I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I need water and some morals
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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