If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Randomize
