Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
tell me about the fingering
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
Randomize
