Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
