Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
