My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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