phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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