Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
