please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
