there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
