He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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