Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
