Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
