So is it bad that I'm using this 21 year old for his hot bod and utter naivety?
No its what 21 year olds are made for
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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