theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Randomize
