Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
