...so i touched it.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
