She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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