yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
