can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
