I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
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