Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
Randomize
