the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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