jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
