I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
