I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
