I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
