Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
