Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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