he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
Randomize
