I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize