I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
