Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
