i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
