did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
