We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
