I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
He is an equal opportunity slut.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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