Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
