i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
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