I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
