Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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