I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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