No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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