There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
Randomize
