I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
