it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
