went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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