I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Randomize
