I've blown a few things in my day
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
